As I sit in the first of another new year reflecting about how all these resolutions will likely only last weeks for most. Mine will be a constant, learning to deal with the absence of a loved one still. Afraid I will still be sad for a long time. Wondering if I will still feel as alone as I do. Wondering if other people will ever rethink this thing called grief and how they respond to it when they lose someone they love.
See I now have regrets on how I have always handled things. I was always afraid I would make someone sad if I said something to them after losing someone in their life. I thought maybe they just wanted to get through a day without feeling different. Or maybe they were tired of people saying things to them. I thought I was helping. I thought this makes me uncomfortable so I am just going to avoid this with them. I thought like most, time heals and they will be okay after a while. I thought nothing I can say will make this better.
What I can say now sitting on this, I should have stepped up. I should have put my discomfort aside and should have reached out to whoever. See this is a lonely place and while everyone else is moving forward, some of us are just here trying to get through each day. When everyone else has forgotten we are still here. We are still grieving. We are still trying to accept this new life without the person we love. We are still going through each day as normal and never knowing what may hit us that reminds us of that special person we miss so much. This is one of those things someone cannot truly understand until that time of life hits them.
The unfortunate part is feeling so irrelevant. Almost like all your pain is not worthy for someone to take the time to hug you. To reach out and say I am still thinking of you. To extend a heartfelt reminder that you are important to them. I think about all the announcements I have heard in church where someone has died and wonder did people stop reaching out to them six months later. I wonder are they still sad and lonely. I am still very uncomfortable with grief, but I would rather make sure someone know they are loved and being thought of are far more important than my weird emotions. My resolution or goal I guess you would say is to set myself aside for others who may be going through grief. Even if I do nothing more than remind them I am here if they need me or say lets cry together. While it may be out of sight out of mind or an uncomfortable situation we should be there for others. 2 Corinthians 1 3-4 says Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. So with every trial and every little thing we face, we should always turn it around and use it for good. To be there for others. That is not to say we start a grief group tomorrow of course, but it does mean we can show people that grief is not something to be afraid of. Grief is a natural part of life and learning to go through life dealing with it is a must. It is just a matter of what are we going to turn ours around to help others later.
