It is more than safe to say I had no idea what I was doing. I was a stay at home mom so my job was solely to be their mom. It was not as simple as feeding them, bathing them and making sure they were safe. It was teaching them please and thank you. It was being consistent when you said no. It was putting out every fire when things did not go their way.
About a week or so ago my daughter came over with her new baby, my second grandson. She decided she would drop my kids off at VBS while I stayed and snuggled the baby. How sweet he was sleeping in my arms. All of the sudden my arm and hands became warm and wet. He started squirming and then of course woke up crying. Grandma to the rescue! Simple right? Yeah well if you all remember new born babies and how fun the process of changing them is. Turned into stripping of all clothes, carrying his naked body to the sink and attempting to give him a quick bath. As you can imagine with a boy I was just hoping he would not hose down the kitchen while I was getting the water warm. I really needed a second pair of hands, even if they were a four year olds hands, anything at this point would have been helpful. Needless to say baby Jack was not having it, which seemed to rush things. Lathered him all up, rinsed him off and bundled him in towel and held him close so he would feel at ease. Awh so precious he was. I finally sit down on the couch, he is bundled up safe in my arms and so so sweet. My hand was under his bottom and I was getting ready to lay him down to put a diaper on when all of the sudden this loud vibration filled my hand and what felt like a squishy mess. All I could say was " Lord have mercy on me!" Well quickly back up for another quick bath to the lower half with yes you guessed it a very unhappy little boy again. Finally done and this time with a lot more hustle to get that diaper on. It was a crazy fifteen minutes, between his two messes and now me who needed to change as well.
I remember those days and those crazy moments. Although when they are yours and you are with them all day you might have a dozen moments of panic like that all day. One minute you are gazing in this beautiful humans eyes and feeling complete awh and the next it looks like their head is about to spiral out of control.
Moms have their pride and joy in their kids. Their whole lives are wrapped up in their children. We fooled ourselves early on by thinking we have to be perfect and our kids will never do this or that. I always love hearing moms say how wonderful it is being a mom and what a blessing they are while they are all perfectly put together on the outside. Lets face it though we know their inside is a crazy mess like the rest of us. Guess what ladies, it is okay to not be perfect. My kids were always very polite and well mannered around people. I was so proud with the many compliments. That was a reflection of me doing my job. There were countless compliments of them, still are. As you know though kids are not always the same perfect creatures at home. This inner being comes out once you walk through your door and it is a whole other story!
We put up a facade that we have it all together and how many times do we cry because everything feels so out of control. There is no way we can tell anyone or be real about how incredibly hard it is. A second set of hands is all we need and we can just fold all the laundry, wash the dishes and at the same time quiet the beastly angels we love so much. There is always that one mom we see whose kids look perfect, her house is spotless and she just seems to have it all together. Gag! Those moms made me cringe with everything so perfect!
Kids get older and many things get easier. Their lives change and then so does ours with different struggles. Yet our image is still trying to keep up the appearance of having it all together. We still cry in the bathroom because we do not want them to see or we still snap because we have felt our failure come out.
My oldest daughter was fifteen when she became pregnant. She went to church every Sunday and two different youth groups. She hung around with good kids and kids who spent the same amount of time in church. We had every serious conversation you can imagine from religion, friends, pressures teens face. I was not naive by any means just hopeful all I had tried to enforce would stick. The news of her pregnancy was so very upsetting. I felt a failure in myself, a disappointment and I felt so much fear. How did this happen? I was trying to do everything right. Of course I did not do everything right because none of us do. It took a long many months to get my head in check. It was several months in to her pregnancy my oldest two and her friend telling me what high school was really like. Hearing stories of what would be perceived good kids doing the same thing as everyone else. Only difference was mine got caught and other parents were living in LaLa land saying, " No I talked to my kids and they said they wanted to wait," Ahhh yeah well my kid said that too! The failure I had felt as a parent during that time, made me reflect on my own teen years. I realized you can be close to your kids, but there are more than likely some things they just will not share with you. Mostly guilt or conviction on their part and not wanting to let you down. Yes I remember feeling that way. It was then I realized I was not a failure, I was normal.
In the midst of all the chaos during that time she had a friend whom at the time was very close to all of us in the family. She confided in me, she vented and she could be real. Many times she complained of her own mother and pointing out her constant hypocrisy. One day this young lady was yet again venting and proceeded to tell us that her mother blamed divorce on my daughters pregnancy. Low and behold it was my fault she got pregnant! Sorry, but the humor of that gets me every time. I can say this, I was not that offended because one the source and two the ignorance. For starters this comment (that has managed to be told to me many times over the years because of this individual) is asinine considering this very person had her own children out of wedlock and her own daughter was doing the exact same thing. Don't get me wrong I realize divorce does things to kids, but if you were to speak to my daughter today she would say it was the pressure of being a teen girl and wanting a boys approval. Regardless moms if I can get one thing through your heads it would be this....DO NOT BE ONE OF THOSE MOMS! Why is this so important? We must realize we are imperfect and our kids will be too no matter how naive we may be. Teach your kids about failure and then teach them how to learn from it. Teach them they do not have to hide out and cry alone because of a bad choice. This is life, an imperfect profound life that we can learn from. Romans 3:23 "for all have sinned and fall short the glory of God." This one simple verse says it all! Ladies, moms and grandmas we do not have to hide behind a mask of perfection. It is okay, we are not alone in any struggle, any trial and any imperfections whether it be of us or our kids. Be real with your kids, allow them to see your imperfections, talk to them and then learn to be humble.
At the end of the day our kids are our beautiful miracles. We love them unconditionally. Our lives may be filled with chaos and stress and we may want to have a nervous breakdown. It does get easier. Some of the best advice I ever got as a young mother of young children was this, when we feel overwhelmed and are not feeling the joy, just say get on back Satan, nothing going to steal my joy. Stop, breath and realize you are not alone. Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Say these things over and over again if you need to, believe me it helps. When we feel alone and need that second set of hands to help us through, realize we are in God's hands so that is even better!
Psalm 138:3 "In the day when I cried out, You answered me and made me bold with strength in my soul."
